Night Terrors

31 May

You know the kind of dreams that make you PRAY that it’s only a dream? Add a big old fat Narc in it, and what do you get?

       

What I had last night! A full blown NIGHT TERROR! 

I haven’t had dreams about the narc for MONTHS. I thought I was past that; afterall, he rarely crosses my mind and then only as an example of how grateful I am I’m no longer around him. Last night was different. Maybe it was the wine, maybe he now represents everything bad.

The recurring feelings throughout the dream, were intense anxiety and the desire to escape, but being unable to.

Does that combo jar any emotions for you?

I felt paralyzed & terrified! I was back in the relationship; in its grips.  I couldn’t breath or speak properly. (my quieted voice) He was in full force Narc mode: “mind games”, push-pull, passive aggressive, pathological jealousy, mistrust. It felt suffocating and ridden with being unsettled.   I saw through the “image” as a smokescreen he used to hide his underlying demons. I wanted to BOLT. I kept my decorum about me, then ran like hell.

When I woke up I was disoriented, drained and RELIEVED. I wasn’t stuck. I’m not stuck. I woke up. We woke up. Our dreams and terrors show us our own ‘demons’ we’re processing.  As we work through the stages of healing, especially after our trauma ridden relationships with narcs, it’s common to let our subconscious act out these ‘paralyzed’  Othellos of our souls to cleanse us and show us our own mastery of the buried fear and anxiety narcs caused in our lives from a safe point of view.  (That could be my optimism showing)  😉

Whether it’s an empirical truth or my own attempt to make sense of this crazy experience, I know that after the nightmare, I was far happier to again be without narc than I was ever happy to be with him.

The dream. The horrific nightmare that xnarc was back in my life and I was back in the passenger seat while crazy drove me around town.  Ahhhh, the beauty of waking up.  We get the chance to start all over only this time build things with people that build with us.

Many deep cleansing breaths,

NewLife

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