FEELING healthy

19 Jun

The months spent in recovery prior to developing a new relationship are dark. Inspiring; yet dark.

I spent months not trusting ANYONE. Even my closest friends. I felt safe with them, yet on edge and skeptical. Its common after the narcissist rips through your soul to be on guard against any further intrusions.  After cocooning inside myself for self soothing and rediscovering my identity, I emerged stronger.

As a stronger woman, I KNOW more of who I am after fighting hard to rebuild my self worth. I really relearned what makes me, ‘ME’.  I know what I like and don’t like. I know how much space makes me feel happy. I relish my alone time. I engage with my passions. I speak my truth. (after having been silenced for so long) I do what I want, when I want, with who I want and feel however I choose to feel as a result.

WHAT DOES THIS ALL MEAN?

Ive got my healthy back!

As a result, I started dating.  I figured that there was no other area where I’d be able to exercise my new healthy muscles in what had become a former landmine of explosive possibilities with the Narc:  a RELATIONSHIP.

I had a few experiences that taught me how to say, “NO!” I learned how to disentangle quickly to avoid any damage to my self.  I’ve reinforced what’s important to ME in a relationship.  A healthy relationship is one where:

1. I feel comfortable

2. I am being myself; nothing more, nothing less

3. I am saying NO (asserting my boundaries) when I choose to and feel them being respected

4. I have NO desire to change him, just appreciate who he is – while still recognizing he’s not perfect – just different

5. I feel like a separate person with separate interests, passions, time spent pursuing my individual desires

6. I dont feel enmeshed

7. When my separateness boundary is crossed, I feel it immediately and express my feelings to him on the spot. Im not letting grass grow under my  superficial “it’s oks”

8. I respect his boundaries too: his right to Feel, Think, say and behave as he chooses

9. My view of our relationship is that we are 2 separate individuals that look outward towards the world; not codependently at eachother

10. I am experiencing my “LIVE AND LET LIVE” motto while enjoying the companionship and romance

What about you? What do you describe as Healthy in a Relationship?

Let’s FOCUS more on what’s healthy and reap what we sow, letting that Narc fade FAR AWAY into our histories!

Peace be with you,

New Life

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2 Responses to “FEELING healthy”

  1. maidinaustralia October 1, 2011 at 3:07 pm #

    I’m healthy and I’m there in terms of my relationship with myself. But not in terms of my relationships with others. I have no desire to date yet, and I’m not sure if I ever will. Recently, my kids (10 and 8, closer to 11 and 9) started urging me to, which surprised me, but their Dad has had several partners since we split, including at least two engagements. They say they think I’m lonely and I deserve a ‘nice man’ in my life. I tried to explain that I was happy at the moment focussing on me and them. And I am. Do I need a ‘nice man’? And even if I did, what if he wasn’t nice but was just another narcissist? I’m not ready to go there.

  2. Penny November 19, 2011 at 8:01 am #

    I love this post. Thank you. 🙂

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