Passive-Aggressive Red Flags

Psychopaths and Ns, as well as other abusers often massively use passive aggressive tactics, as well as overt and covert aggression. They are indicators that the person is not willing to take responsibility for their interactions. They are signposts for us as well…….
How do you recognize a “red flag?” It will be a thought or concern that jumps out at you that you quickly rationalize, excuse, or justify…. They are surfacing for a reason, pay attention when they do….

RED FLAG	JUSTIFICATION	REALITY
Showed no anger	Did not see it as a problem	Should have, everyone gets angry, surfaced later; indirectly, covertly…
Committed Adultery	Everyone makes mistakes	Never admitted to making a mistake…When asked why they broke up, said, “she bitched too much.”
Indirectly blamed ex-wife for everything	Thought how terrible she must have been, she didn’t understand him	Didn’t make himself understood, later it was implied that all problems were my fault as well.
Appeared to have had a lot of misfortune but would not “talk about it”.	Felt very sorry for him, felt that he needed someone to love and treat him well.	A martyr….carries around old wounds like a badge of honor…
1st trip together, asked another couple to go along without informing me, or asking me	Shy	Intimacy problems, not to mention no regard for my preferences
Showed more sensitivity and concern for others than for me	Thought eventually I would “earn” his respect, concenrn, etc.	No one should have to earn “respect” for their feelings
Wouldn’t talk about prior relationships/hispast or communicate about our relationship	Shy, introverted	Hiding something? Emotionally shut down…Communication is a must in any relationship
Relative told me that I was good for him	Boost to my ego	Should have questioned why he needed someone to “be good for him”
Another relative said that he was cold and unfeeling	Again, thought he was misunderstood, was treating me well	He was cold and unfeeling once we were married…should have questioned why a relative would say that….
Ask me to sell my home, and move into one he co-owned with a relative which he planned on “giving” to that relative at a later date	I was very angry when this happened.	This should have stopped me in my tracks…and sent me running…realizing that I would always be last on the list….